Choice.

I've had my head down a while now.

I have been feeling wounded, betrayed, and un-trusting of others. I need to release the past and move forward from this moment. And as soon as I commit to that, I find myself right back in the questions; "Why am I here?", "How did I get to this point?", "Why are we collectively where we are?"
My health journey can not be to “get back” to a body that was familiar to me 15 years ago but to create the body I desire to age in. To create comfort and ease from HERE.
My journey of impact can not be to change what has happened, or to right a wrong, but to create what is needed NOW. For Jackson and our family. For my community.
To be willing to let go of ANYTHING that doesn’t serve my son's greatest good has been my focus since September. To set up everything that I can, so that when it becomes necessary, I can surrender his safety. Because it will become necessary.
I keep reading that this is a time of releasing old patterns, that the astrology coming up is an entirely new cycle, and until now I couldn't understand what I needed to release. Old beliefs, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes the spiritual catchphrases become cliche and lose meaning…I haven’t been able to phrase anything that FEELS like it means anything. Whether or not this makes sense to anyone else, I understand what it means and feel connected to it and its message.  
I have often wondered if I have lost connection with all of you because I have been distracted. I hope not. I have to trust that we are all connected, even when we are not together.

I am beginning to collect evidence that perhaps the shift has begun. The grip of stuckness, and stagnation feels just a tiny bit looser these days. Some of that evidence comes in the form of new humans in class, some is in the achievement of showing Personal Landscapes, our small group show of 6 Ceramic Artists at The Anderson Building that is on view through March 26th. Who knew that while I had my head down, i could pull together a show? Now, I do. The coming of Spring and the lightening of days always comes and somehow surprises me everytime. It really does show up. Every year.

My own work with clay recently has been one of being in the present with the piece. Letting it tell me what to do next, despite my inner art school voice telling me I'd better be able to "justify" the choices I'm making later on. Yeah, fuck that right now. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and not asking my feet why. My Word of The Year is CHOICE. Ironically, given what I just said, you might think that doesn't make any sense, but it does. I'm choosing what is right in any given moment, not what I think will be right a week from now or next month, or how someone else is going to perceive the choices I make. It's both freeing and sort of lonely. But it's quiet.
In the quiet, things are shifting. One moment at a time.

        

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